This is an excerpt/epiphany from a journal entry I wrote in December 2014:
So how is it that losing my job nearly 8 months ago hasn’t produced this long desired manuscript or coaching clients? Oh, wait, I know. There’s no book, clients or cash flow because I put really good, worthwhile time-sucking saboteurs on my plate- helping more kids as a Guardian ad Litem, taking care of my family, helping my friends and a second round of graduate school- which prevented books, clients and cash from happening. Why did I do this? Outdated programming, which is like a shit sandwich. I don’t have to face the possibility that I’m not good enough if I just didn’t have time to write the book or focus on getting paying clients.
Taking on additional volunteer responsibilities instead of cutting back? And, why do I need graduate school when I am already enough? The answer: just in case I’m not. It’s a backup plan in case the writing thing doesn’t work. Except that the writing thing can’t work if I’m not actually writing anything but term papers. What a damn crazy circuitous pattern of postponing my dream! I can analyze, explain and justify it in depth (the grad school was in psychology) but it didn’t pass a common sense test any way you looked at it.
So I decided to cut the crap, redirect my focus and hard work toward the results I really want. It’s a scarier, less certain path than getting good grades and another college degree but the potential payoff is happiness (and hopefully huge cash and exhilarated clients and readers).
Are you sabotaging your dream? Less shit, more happy. Who’s with me?