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You feel bummed. A constant, low level disappointment at how life turned out. Except sometimes you’re pissed about it. Occasionally you’re confused about it, like how did this happen? Where did it go wrong? Mostly you accept it. Most of your friends aren’t living the dream either. They’re no happier than you.
Well, I’m calling bullshit on all of it. First, be the leader. Be the happiest guy you know. Emotion contagion is real. You can share your happy. Why in this great big world would you settle for less? If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you do it? Then why are you settling just because that’s what you see everyone around you doing?
Rock the boat!
If your bummed, pissed, stymied, sad, disappointed or tweaked because life didn’t turn out the way you think, you have options!
1. Be clear about what you want.
This is the only way to be certain you don’t already have it! Sounds silly, but your life might be better than you think. And if it isn’t what you want, you know where you’re headed. Clarify exactly what you want “you”, your relationships, and your work to look, feel, smell, and taste like. Hint: you want it to taste DELICIOUS! Use all the senses and tons of detail. If you don’t crank out a full page per segment, it’s not enough. Start with a list of what you love and like (big things like loving love, luxury cars, etc. and little things like coffee and pancakes with syrup). Also list what you merely tolerate and what you dislike and hate (deal breakers). The first two are what you want more of and the last three are what you want less or none of.
2. Acknowledge that you didn’t have a clear goal, a plan, or a deadline.
You are likely disappointed about how your life has turned out but never bothered to decide exactly what you wanted, how much of it and by when. Therefore, you never created a plan to get it. You thought you’d end up there somehow. Here’s how you get what you want. Decide what it is (Get Clear), have a good look at where you are compared to where you now know you want to be- because some stuff is going to have to change (Get Real) and then decide what your first, second and third steps will be to get there (Get Going). And take the first step immediately, before you settle again. It’s true that not all who wander are lost. But hopefully, if you’re wandering, your goal says “wander”. Otherwise you’re off the path to your goal.
3. Get over it.
If you’re still breathing, there’s still time. Don’t beat yourself up about where you’re not, what you don’t have and what you haven’t done. That shit just weighs you down. Here’s why people don’t achieve what they want:
a. you aren’t clear about what you want (see #1 above)
b. you don’t want it bad enough or you’d already be getting it; it might be a “should” instead of a want. If this is the case you will resort to:
i. the litany of fears- not good enough, smart enough, educated enough, talented enough, rich enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, connected enough
ii. the litany of excuses- I don’t have time, money, training, certifications, degrees; I’m too old, too fat, too out of shape, too tired, too ugly, too short, too tall- blah, blah, blah- all bullshit.
c. your pendulum hasn’t shifted; you don’t know why you need it right now as opposed to later or never
d. you’re so bogged down about not having it that you have no energy left with which to change the situation
4. Decide you will create a life you love, with people you love, work that lights you up, and a you that you fucking adore.
Stay with me. It’s possible. Take one step right now.
You are some mixture of your genetic inheritance (yes, look at your parents), what was role modeled for you while you were growing up- like how did your parents or caregivers handle things and make decisions- and your mix of personality traits. These are why you think, act, feel and why you see the world the way you do. Yep, that’s it in a nutshell. So, that said, if you don’t like it, change it. Really. There’s very little you can’t change.
Find your new role models. Who’s doing what you want to do, who has traits you want to adopt, who has relationships that you want yours to be like. Study your role models, contact them, and do what they did. Then, find your support team. No one achieves their goals or radical change alone. The people closest to you may not be your best supporters because they might bring baggage of their own to the table or just not know how to be a good cheerleader. Hiring a coach can help make sure you arrive at your destination by the most efficient and effective route. If it takes too long or gets too difficult, you might quit. You will want to. A coach can keep you on track and help you herd your squirrels into a wolf pack.
Or you can sit back and continue wishing, wanting and hoping that somehow your dreams will still come true on their own. But you are your fairy godmother. So, get a wand and wave it. You are enough.
Hugs and happiness,
Author, blogger, CEO and
Creator of the Get What You Want Mindset
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