Excessive givers often think that to do less and give less than they are currently doing equals being a narcissist.
To excessive givers, focusing on yourself feels selfish.
But you’re exhausted. You say yes to giving your time and your money, when you really don’t want to, because it’s what you do. You have a lot of reasons why you do it…you’re being helpful, you were raised right, you problem solve because you’re good at it, etc. There are subconscious factors at work too, such as the meaning your brain is ascribing to giving- pleasure, significance, feeling needed, rescuer, reinforcing bonds with your family, friends and acquaintances. There is a force working beneath the surface to keep you doing it even though your drained.
And then there are the damn narcissists! Do you wonder why you’re surrounded by narcissistic people? You’re boss, friends, your mate…
Takers are attracted to givers. Always. It does them no good at all to hang out with other takers.
You don’t have to be exhausted. There are healthy ways to take care of yourself and still help others.
Many of the women I work with are excessive givers and nurturers. Caretakers…of everyone who needs them. They aren’t unhappy about it. But they are exhausted. Drained emotionally, spiritually, mentally and sometimes financially.
I have clients that will testify that you can change it. Oh, and I was there once too.